


(803): Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?

by kendrasaunders



Series: Legends College AU [1]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Everyone Gets Naked, Multi, Ot8 as fuck tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-11 22:30:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7073092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kendrasaunders/pseuds/kendrasaunders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>college au. in which the gang learns that one really specific thing about ray. also, everyone gets naked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(803): Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?

“What you all need to understand is that I’m not a liar,” Carter says, leaning over the table in the common area. “I have never once lied in my life. And it just so happens that I am never, ever wrong.”

“That sounds like a lot of pressure,” Sara notes, wrinkling her nose.

“It sounds like bullshit,” Len replies. 

Carter frowns, like this is so grievous personal offense and not just. Nonsense. “It is not bullshit, okay? I drunkenly walked in on Ray peeing last night, and he is-“

“Hung to hell and back,” Mick says. Adds a rolls of his eyes. “We heard you.”

“Yes!” Carter says. “Why aren’t you all treating this like a big deal?”

“Because, idiot,” Len says. “You were wasted. You probably hallucinated it. First of all.”

“And second of all,” Sara says. “There’s really no way a guy like Ray has a huge dick. He’s so…”

“Polite,” Mick says.

“Even tempered,” Len adds.

“I mean, if he had a big dick, he’d want us to know,” Sara says. “Since we’re always making fun of him anyway. You see the way he moons over Kendra. Don’t you think he’d tell her?”

“Hell, we’ve seen the way he moons over you,” Mick says. “You think if you’d seen it, even by accident, that he’d be a little more forthcoming about it.”

“The point is, Carter,” Len says. “There is no way Ray has anything above an average size dick. I mean, look at him. He’s completely ordinary. End of discussion.”

Carter considers the group for a moment, before sighing. He leans back in his chair. “When I prove you all wrong,” he says. “And I will. I’m going to sit on it first.”

“Sure, Carter,” Len says. “More power to you.”

“If it is as big as you say it is,” Mick says. “I’ll suck him off.”

“Is that a bet?” Carter asks.

“Sure,” Mick says. “Because when we pull Ray’s pants down and he’s completely ordinary, you’re gonna suck me off.”

“That’s a deal,” Carter says, offering his hand.

“Your funeral,” Mick says. “I don’t play nice.”

 

“Why are you two shaking hands,” Rip asks, rounding the corner. “Why are the four of you out here?”

“Kendra’s sleeping off a hangover,” Sara says.

“You didn’t explain the hand shaking bit,” Rip says.

“Carter says Ray has an enormous dick,” Len says. “We’re less than convinced.”

Rip places his hand over his mouth in something like frustration or exasperation. He breathes harshly through his nose. Moves his hand to his chin. “Do not take Ray’s pants off without his consent.”

“What is this, middle school?” Mick says. “We’re not going to pants him in the hallway. God.”

“Besides, Rip,” Sara says, snapping the P of his name. “Don’t you want to see if Carter’s telling the truth or not?”

“No,” Rip says. “I don’t. And if Ray comes to hide in my room later because the lot of you have harassed him to no end, I’m letting him.”

“You’re no fun,” Sara says.

He studies her for a moment. “I guess not,” he says.

“Rip,” she teases. “Come on.”

“Maybe he already knows and isn’t telling us,” Carter says. “And he just wants Ray to himself.”

“Ooooh,” Sara says. “Is that true, Rip? Are you hogging Ray’s supposedly allegedly enormous dick?”

It must be the way Sara’s looking at him, but Rip’s cheeks go bright pink. “No, Sara,” he says. “I have no idea what Ray’s dick looks like.”

“Do you want to?” she asks, batting her eyelashes.

“Would you two cut it out?” Mick asks. “You’re making me queasy.”

“I-“ Rip swallows. “I’m going to my room.”

“You do that, Captain,” Len says. “We’ll send photos of Carter’s defeat.”

“Of my victory, he means,” Carter says.

“We’re gonna send you photos of Ray’s penis, is what they mean,” Sara says.

“Don’t,” Rip says, already making way for his door.

“We will!” Sara calls after him.

“DON’T!” 

“WE WILL,” Sara insists, practically leaping out of her chair. “WE ARE GOING TO SEND YOU-“

 

“Send him what?”

The four of them fall silent.

“Raymond,” Mick says, grinning like a fox. “The man of the hour.”

“The-“ Ray tilts his head. “The what?”

“Small get together,” Len says, rising from his chair. It doesn’t remotely answer the questions Ray’s bound to have, at this point. It probably just raises more. “Our room. Later. Pregame if you want. Sound good?”

“What is-“ Ray stares at Len for a good beat. Fusses with the strap of his bag. “Sure?”

“Great,” Len says. “Excellent.”

“And you know,” Carter says. “Regardless of what happens tonight.” He stands, just so he can grab Ray by the bicep. “Kendra and I called first dibs on you.”

“You what?” Ray asks.

“See you tonight, beanstalk,” Sara says, headed back for her room. “Wear tight pants.”

“We’ll bring condoms,” Mick adds.

“Guys,” Ray says, as the gang heads to their rooms. “Guys, what is- Why are you all- Can someone please tell me what’s going on?”

Rip pokes his head out of his room. “I’d leave the state, if I were you.”

“What?” Ray repeats.

He gets 3 closed doors in response.

A beat.

Ray gaffes, for a moment. “But Kendra texted me to come over!”

 

 

—

 

He’s cornered by Sara two hours later, when she pulls him into the Starbucks bathroom and locks the door before he can even properly ask how she found him or why she’s pulling him into the Starbucks bathroom.

“Ray,” she says, brushing her hands against his shirt. “Raymond. We’re friends, right?”

“I-“ He glances down at her, which is no small feat for him. “Yes?”

“Okay,” she says. “Okay, you’re gonna think this is totally hilarious, but Carter said this super funny thing about you this morning, and-“

“What did he say?” Ray asks, suddenly bright eyed and eager. “Was it good? Does he like me?”

“He…” Sara purses her lips. “Ray, of course he likes you.”

“But does he, you know-“ He leans forward. “Like me, like me?”

Sara stands on her tip toes to whisper in Ray’s ear. “He said you were hung like a horse.”

Ray responds as rationally as anyone would, in this situation. He plasters himself to the filthy, graffiti-covered door, and looks at Sara like she’s burned him. “WHAT?”

“Right?” Sara says. “Totally weird. But we’ve got like, this bet going, and if you could just, you know, show me the goods-“

“You cornered me in a bathroom,” Ray says, carefully. “Because you want to see my penis?!”

She grimaces. “Well when you put it like that-“

“I have to go,” Ray says. “Oh my God. Oh my God, Sara!”

“Ray!” she calls, as the door swings open. “Ray, come on! If it’s big you should be proud of it! Ray!”

The Starbucks is staring at her.

“He has a big-“ She gestures. “Brain. Sorry. Whatever.” She’s already out the door.

 

** TEXT FROM: BLONDE MENACE **

Didn’t see it. You’re up.

 

** TEXT FROM: ICE ICE BABY **

You cornered him in the bathroom, didn’t you??

 

** TEXT FROM: BLONDE MENACE **

NO!!!!! 

 

** TEXT FROM: ICE ICE BABY **

Amateur.

 

—

 

Len’s thinks he’s almost too lovable, sometimes. It’s practically a curse. He can scarcely walk into a room without everyone falling for him.

Like he hasn’t noticed the faint blush Ray gets when Len pays him a little extra attention. He’s practically a Disney Cartoon. Skittish. Faint of heart.

And Carter really wants to pretend that boy has a monster between his legs?

Please. Carter’s a little too high on his own supply, if Len’s being frank. But that’s another subject.

It’s really too easy to get Ray up to his room, and he’d arrived so quickly Len had almost felt bad for having the boy at his beck and call.

But a bet’s a bet. He’ll teach Ray about backbone sometime when dick-sucking isn’t on the line. 

“You um,” Ray says, rolling his foot. “You texted me?”

“Yeah,” Len says, waving him in. “I wanted to know if you wanted some of Mick’s old stuff.”

“Oh,” Ray says. “Are you sure Mick won’t mind? I mean, I’d hate for anything to go to waste, but-“

And that’s the other thing. Pretty boy seems like he’d turn his nose down at hand-me-downs, if you didn’t know him. And you’d think he’d recognize that Mick has at least fifty pounds of muscle on him. But. Ray is polite to a fault. And incidentally, he’s infatuated with Mick. Which is fine. Happens all the time. Len remembers when he fell for Mick, though he had been far more graceful about it. 

“He’s got a few pairs of jeans he’s getting rid of,” Len says. Pulls out a pair of jeans that Mick had absolutely not agreed to give up, and that will be about 3 sizes too big on Ray’s hips.

Still.

“Here,” Len says. “Try them on.”

Ray barely manages to catch them. “Right now?”

“Do you have somewhere else to be?” Len asks. He considers a couple points, as Ray looks down at the jeans, then back to Len. Then back down. First, if he did have a big one, wouldn’t it be kind of a cruel joke to give it to someone so utterly bashful? And second, why on Earth would Sara think the right way to do this would be to corner him in a goddamn bathroom?

Mick, sure. Len probably would’ve shown her, too. If she’d asked nicely. But not Ray.

“Here,” Len says, surging forward. He finds the waistband of Ray’s jeans. “I can help you.”

Ray, the poor thing, trembles under Len’s hands. For a moment, he worries he’s overstepped. “Ray?”

“I’ll-“ Ray fidgets with his top button. “I can change. It’s okay.” He fiddles with his fly, before stepping out of his pants.

And he tucks his button-downs into his jeans, naturally. The damn shirt is too long for Len to discern anything but the fact that Ray wears boxer-briefs.

“Wait,” Len says. “Don’t be so hasty to, you know-“ He takes Ray’s wrist. “Try those on.”

Ray swallows. “I-“

“Stop me if I’m going too far, Ray,” Len says.

Ray gently shakes his hand.

With a grin, Len’s hand traces up Ray’s thigh. “Good,” he says. To the hem of his underwear, and over his hip. “Because you and I really should-“

“Len?” Ray asks. “Leonard? Did I do something wrong?”

Well. Carter had not been lying. If anything, Len thinks Ray might’ve been undersold. “You are…” He meets Ray’s gaze. “They did not lie about you.”

Ray moves back. Suddenly, fiercely, with something like offense crossing his features. “Excuse me?”

“Ray,” Len says. “It’s just-“

“You’re in that stupid bet!” Ray says, gathering his jeans. “You just want to- Ugh!” He’s not pink anymore. Sort of like an angry red, splotched across his cheeks. “I thought you actually wanted- Nevermind!”

“I do want you!” Len says. “Come on, I was going to fuck you any day now, this just gave me the window to-“

“You’re all unbelievable!” Ray says, pulling his pants on.

“Come on,” Len says, placing his hand in the center of Ray’s chest. “Don’t you want me to fuck you?”

Ray softens. “I-“ He takes Len’s hand. “Yes,” he says. “But not when this is hanging over my head.”

He’s out the door before Len can catch him, storming down the hall. 

“Ray!” Len calls. “Ray, come on, baby-“

Rip pokes his head out of his door. “What did you do, Leonard?”

Len snarls. “Oh, eat me,” he says, before slamming his door.

 

** TEXT FROM: BLONDE MENANCE **

How’d it go???

 

Well. Isn’t that the question. Len’s in a bet, sure. But he’s also a selfish son of a bitch. And he really, really needs to get that dick on lock before anyone else. He loves Mick. He does. But this is matter of dibs. It’s practically sacred.

Carter has his chance, really. He just had to be an idiot about it and go telling everyone.

 

** TEXT FROM: ICE ICE BABY **

No luck. Try to intercept him b4 lovebirds do

 

** TEXT FROM: BLONDE MENACE **

Who’s amateur now, bitch

 

** TEXT FROM: ICE ICE BABY **

still you

 

—

 

Carter can be… more than a little uncouth. Kendra’s well aware of this. Kendra lives in it. She breathes it. This is where she is and that’s fine, whatever, but when he announces to her that he’s in a bet with Mick over Ray’s dick size. Well.

One of them’s got to be the smart one. She supposes.

 

** TEXT FROM: YOUR HOT ROOMMATE **

have you actually seen it tho?

 

** TEXT FROM: JUST PUT MY NAME AS KENDRA JESUS SARA **

no

 

**TEXT FROM: YOUR HOT ROOMMATE**  
but do you believe carter??

 

**TEXT FROM: JUST PUT MY NAME AS KENDRA JESUS SARA**  
i mean. yeah

 

**TEXT FROM: YOUR HOT ROOMMATE**  
wait u do

 

**TEXT FROM: JUST PUT MY NAME AS KENDRA JESUS SARA**  
i did call dibs on ray first floor meeting

 

**TEXT FROM: YOUR HOT ROOMMATE**  
YOU BITCH DO YOU KNOW

 

**TEXT FROM: YOUR HOT ROOMMATE**  
ANSWER ME

 

**TEXT FROM: YOUR HOT ROOMMATE**  
DONT KEEP IT TO YOURSELF

 

**TEXT FROM: YOUR HOT ROOMMATE**  
THIS IS AGAINST MY CIVIL RIGHTS YOU TELL ME IF RAY HAS A HUGE DICK RIGHT FUCKING NOW

**TEXT FROM: JUST PUT MY NAME AS KENDRA JESUS SARA**  
I guess i’ll let you know when carter proves his point

 

She sets Sara to “do not disturb” as she rounds the corner. Smart and chaste are two different things, and Kendra sees no reason why she can’t be one but not the other. Ray’s settled at one of the tables in the library, intently searching something on his laptop.

She can read the stress on him. Understandable. She approaches the table and places her hand on the seat. “Can I sit?”

He shifts in his chair. The ones at the library are nearly too small for him, like almost everything, but he smiles at her like she’s brightened his whole day. That’s a rush she still hasn’t gotten used to. “Yeah. Yes. Definitely. There’s no one else to sit here!” He pauses. “I mean. Please- I-“

“It’s cool,” she says, sliding into place beside them. She lets her hip brush his. It’s kind of thrilling. Kind of juvenile. Kind of new and sweet. 

“Right,” Ray offers. 

“I know the group has been…” She waves her hand. “Bothering you today. Which is.” She sighs. “Don’t get pissed at Carter, he’s really grandiose about things and-“

“Oh, I don’t think I could get pissed at Carter,” Ray says, almost in a sigh.

Kendra draws her lips into a line. “Be less infatuated.”

“What?” Ray blusters. “I- I mean. Like. He’s very broad shouldered.”

“Well, now that you’ve gotten that out of the way,” Kendra says. “The thing that’s been happening to you is- Okay, it’s really silly. You know how we all got plastered last night?”

“Sort of,” Ray says. “It’s fuzzy.”

“Well Carter wandered into the bathroom last night when you were peeing, apparently,” Kendra says. “And now he’s proudly announcing to everyone that you’re-“

“Well endowed,” Ray says. Almost in a mumble. 

Kendra smacks her lips. “Yeah.”

“Why?” Ray says. “Why is it a big deal to him?”

“He’s proud of you,” Kendra says. “I think. I mean, it’s a pretty desirable thing to have, Ray.”

“I mean, I guess,” Ray says. “You’d think if it was so desirable, people would dump me less, but whatever.”

Which is. Really sad, Kendra thinks. That the root of it is that he’s just so stunningly lonely.

“You okay?” she asks. “You can talk to me.”

He taps his fingers on the table. Like he’s nervous about it. “I don’t- You guys are all really cool, and like, very- You’re all- You-“

“Ray?”

“You’re all like, pretty attractive,” Ray says. “And I was like, okay, whatever, everyone’s gonna do their own thing, no one’s gonna really come after me because no one ever does and-“

“Wait,” Kendra says. “Pause. You think you’re unattractive?”

“I don’t know,” Ray says. “I mean, I think I’m good looking but I’m not like, you guys aren’t really like, the kind of people that would bother with me and-“

“Are you okay?” Kendra asks. 

“I like-“ He chews on his cheek. “I can trust you, right?”

“Of course,” Kendra says.

“I’d be totally down to be with like, anyone,” Ray says. “But not as a joke, you know? I get it. I’m like, weird or whatever, and they’re trying to hook up with me as a dare, but-“

“That’s not it,” Kendra says. “Crap. Ray, you’re- If you knew how much everyone liked you, you would-“

He runs his hands through his hair, pushing it off his face. “Yeah, but not like that.”

“Yes, like that,” Kendra says. “Carter was telling everyone because he wants to have sex with you, Ray. He was bragging about you.”

Ray peers at her through his lashes. He’s so pretty, for a guy. So gentle. “Really?”

Kendra quirks a grin. “Babe, do you even know why I’m here?”

He shakes his head. 

She leans in, close enough to whisper in his ear. “Carter and I want to let you know that you’re ours, first.”

He shudders. A full body shudder, and she worries she’s gone too far.

Which is when Ray grabs her hand. “I am?”

“Yeah,” she whispers. “You are.”

“Not as a joke?” Ray says back.

“You’re not a joke to anyone,” Kendra says. “Listen, sweetie.” She pulls back, just so she can cup his cheeks. “Everyone wanted to screw you. I promise. This just makes everyone want to bang you more. Or it will, when you prove Carter right.”

He blinks. “They thought he was lying?”

“I mean,” Kendra says. “Hung guys are usually a lot more-“

“Cocky?” Ray offers.

“That’s terrible,” she says. Though the way Ray beams is not.

“Yeah,” he says, laughing to himself. “I guess it is.”

“Feel better, though?” she asks. 

“Much better,” Ray says.

She leans in, touching her forehead to his. “Good.”

He brushes her wrist. “Do you want to. You know-“

“Take your pants off in the bathroom?” Kendra asks.

He licks his lower lip. “Yeah.”

“I think I do,” she says. “Come on.”

 

**** TEXT FROM: KENDRA  
**** TO: [GROUP]  
GUESS WHO WINS BITCHES

 

**TEXT FROM: YOUR HOT ROOMMATE**  
!!!!!

 

**TEXT FROM: YOUR HOT ROOMMATE**  
YOU BITCH

 

**TEXT FROM: LEN**  
i’m with sara

 

**TEXT FROM: IDIOT BOYFRIEND**  
KENDRA NO FAIR

 

**TEXT FROM: IDIOT BOYFRIEND**  
I CALLED DIBS LIKE 3 YEARS AGO

 

** TEXT FROM: MICK  
** so this means i’m sucking ray’s dick then

 

**TEXT FROM: RAY**  
you guys know i’m in this groupchat right

 

**TEXT FROM: THE RA**  
WE’RE ALL IN THIS GROUP CHAT, RAY.

 

**TEXT FROM: JAX**  
what the fuck happened today

 

**TEXT FROM: YOUR HOT ROOMMATE**  
ray i want u to kno im sorry about earlier and i think ur adorable

 

**TEXT FROM: LEN**  
ray i want you to know sara’s an idiot and i’m sorry her idiocy kept us from hooking up earlier

 

**TEXT FROM: RAY**  
aw guys :)))))

 

**TEXT FROM: MICK**  
but when am i sucking your dick tho. are ppl gonna watch?? should i do it in the common area???

 

**TEXT FROM: THE RA**  
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**TEXT FROM: PROF. STEIN**  
i’m not reading this. if anyone asks i didn’t see this

 

—

 

Eventually, they all end up where they always are.

Stoned off their faces in Len and Mick’s room, scattered across the floor and staring half-lidded at the ceiling.

It’s a cushy spot, between Kendra and Carter, where they’re curled around him with a sort of possessiveness that makes Ray feel all warm inside.

Which could also be the pot. But for sure, it’s mostly Kendra and Carter.

Carter brushes his hand over Ray’s stomach, above the dark curls that start below his navel. Despite himself, Ray giggles. Carter meets it with a wry grin.

A pillow soars from across the room, landing firmly on Ray’s chest.

Kendra makes a noise of protest, but can’t manage the energy to actually move. “Whaaaat?”

“You’re being gross,” Mick says.

“Are not,” Carter says.

“You’re hogging the entire floor,” Jax notes, from where he’s curled up on Len’s bed. “Like jerks!”

“Jerks!” Sara agrees.

“Not our fault,” Kendra says. “Ray’s big.” She glances sidelong at Ray’s face before bursting into a peal of laughter.

It is pretty fucking hilarious, at the moment. Except to Rip, who is never amused by anything.

“I’m mad,” Sara says. “I’m mad Kendra got to have sex with you first.”

Ray shakes his head. “Didn’t have sex.”

“Ha!” Len practically bolts out of his chair. Remarkable for someone with that much in their system but. He’s a special case.

“Shut up,” Sara whines. “Not all of us have seen it, yet.”

“So you’re telling me you guys spent your whole Saturday trying to see Ray’s dick?” Jax asks. “Because that’s really weird.”

A pause. “Well,” Rip says, lighting the dregs of the most recent go-around. “I didn’t.”

“You were involved,” Sara says.

“I want to mention I started it,” Carter announces. “And so I win the first.”

“Why are you like this,” Sara asks, which is a pretty reasonable question.

“I love you,” Ray tells Carter, with a very definitive nod. It’s sort of kind of the most shameless way he’s ever announced having a crush. “I love that you’re like this.”

“Oh my GOD,” Mick says. “Can we just see it before Carter eats you?”

Ray hiccups. He probably meant to laugh. “Weren’t you supposed to-“ He snickers. “Eat me?”

“Ooooh,” Sara says. “He’s right, Mick. You have to put it in your mouth.”

“Right now?” Jax asks. “I don’t want to be here for that.”

“Sure you do,” Sara says.

“You can leave anytime you want,” Len says.

Jax pauses. “I can’t… like. Move, though.”

“Don’t suck him off,” Rip says, in a cloud of smoke. “Michael, I am begging you.”

“Hey,” Mick says. “We don’t call you Michael.”

“Shut up,” Rip offers.

“You guys really wanna see it?” Ray asks. “I mean, it’s really not that big.”

To which Kendra and Carter say, “Yes it is.”

“I’m fine,” Rip says.

“Take your clothes off!” Sara says. “Here. I’ll start.” She fumbles with her shirt before pulling it over her head. She helpfully passes the tee off to Rip.

“You’re not wearing a bra,” Rip notes, wringing her shirt between his hands.

“What?” Sara says, looking down. “Oh shit.”

“Eight out of ten,” Len tells her.

“Fuck you!” Sara says. “Ten out of goddamn ten.”

“Are we doing the group sex thing already?” Kendra asks, fumbling with the button of her jeans. “Because like. Whatever.” 

“We’re doing it because of Ray’s dick, actually,” Carter notes, smugly. “Which we all found out because of me. So I double win.”

“Shut up and take Ray’s pants off,” Kendra says, trying to lift her hips of the ground. She’s kind of forgotten how.

“Sure,” Carter offers, fiddling with Ray’s fly.

“Can the record show I effectively got Ray’s pants off first?” Len asks.

“No,” Sara says.

“Seven out of ten,” Len says.

“I will rip your jaw off your face,” Sara says.

Leonard clicks his tongue before undoing his belt.

“Mick,” Rip says. “Your underwear is bright fucking red.”

“Ha, yeah,” Mick says. 

“Hold on,” Ray says, brushing off Carter’s hand. “Hold on, lemme- Let me get up.”

There’s a round of ooh-ing as Ray stumbles to his feet. “If you guys are so curious then fine.” He slides his pants down his hips, and tries to kick them off. He fails, of course, and steadies himself by grabbing Rip’s leg.

“Do you mind?” Rip asks.

“Not really,” Ray offers. “Has anyone ever told you how pretty your mustache is?”

“I want to put bows in it,” Sara says, reaching to stroke her finger across it. “You’d be so beautiful.”

“Your dick, Ray,” Rip says.

“Right!” Ray says. “Yeah. So don’t make fun of me. Because it’s probably not whatever you think it is, and-“ He pulls his boxer briefs down his hips. “Okay?”

A beat.

Ray moves his hand to cover himself. “I-“

“Holy shit,” Mick says. “Carter undersold it.”

“That’s exactly my sentiment,” Len says.

“Told you I won,” Kendra says, grinning to herself. Still hasn’t figured out how to get those pants off.

“I double-triple won, though,” Carter adds. “To infinity, probably.”

“Is college always like this?” Jax says.

“Yes,” the room tells him.

He falls back onto the bed. “That’s ridiculous.”

“No,” Sara says. “Ray is ridiculous.”

“Can someone please help me with my clothes?” Kendra asks. 

Sara throws herself on top of Kendra before Carter remembers to roll over. “Hi,” she offers. “Need a hand?”

They dissolve into giggles.

“This night just gets better,” Len says. “Anyone want to take Ray for a spin?”

“I’m not like-” Ray stumbles with his words. “A car.”

“Sure you are,” Mick says. “You’re our new ride. And we’re gonna take the best fucking care of you.”

Ray almost melts on the spot, actually. Cartoon hearts may actually be floating over his head. “Really?”

“Yeah, pretty boy,” Mick says. “Really.”

“If you touch Ray before I do I will rip your face of,” Carter says. “I swear to Bird God.”

“Who’s swearing to Bird God?” Sara asks, breaking from her lightning focus of getting Kendra’s panties off.

“I am,” Carter says. “I swear to Bird God I am going to sit on Ray right fucking now.”

“You guuuuuys,” Ray says. “You don’t have to fiiight over me!”

“Please,” Rip says. “You’re practically floating.”

“Take your clothes off already, Rip,” Len says. “You’re harshing the mood.”

“Boo,” Sara says. “Don’t harsh the mood.”

“I’m going to need all of you to pretend this never happened,” Rip says. “I do mean that.”

“Sure,” Len offers. “But we’re remembering Ray’s dick.”

“Big dick Ray,” Sara offers.

“Nice,” Kendra says, from under her.

“Thank you.”

“Can one of you just enter the other already?” Jax says. “You guys are fucking exhausting. And I’m literally too high to know which one of you is Carter and which one of you is Ray.”

“I’m Ray,” Ray says, helpfully.

“I hate,” Jax offers. “I do.”

“He’s not wrong,” Len says.

No one disagrees.


End file.
